ISMM Chapter 3

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34.

I feel that.

The awkwardness you faced when your parents caught you masturbating while watching porn totally cannot be compared to what I’m feeling right now.

No.

The awkwardness you faced when your parents caught you masturbating while watching hardcore beastiality and tentacle orgy porn is precisely the kind that truly cannot be compared to what I’m feeling right now.

35.

I locked my screen with lightning speed before viciously flipping my phone over to shield it from view. My eyes arched as I smiled at Gu Yiliang. “Ah, hello.”

“…” Gu Yiliang snuck a glance at my phone. After pausing for a brief moment, he greeted me as well.

I calmly looked for words to fill up my endless embarrassment. “We’ve quite a lot of scenes to shoot together. Why don’t we practice when you’re available?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I just entered the production team, so I came here to greet everyone.”

There was nothing wrong with the conversation, but why did the sentence order feel so jumbled up?

I nodded in response too. “Oh, haha. Did you eat before you came here?”

He paused before answering, “Not yet.”

Unable to continue the conversation anymore, the vile person inside of me felt so awkward that he was cringing all over.

36.

In the end, Little Chen was the one to save my ass. Brimming with energy, he ran into the room with two cups of bubble tea in hand and said with gusto, “You didn’t tell me what toppings you wanted so I bought two. Have a look and see which one you prefer?”

As soon as he turned around, he noticed Gu Yiliang was there too. He instantly straightened his back as he called out ‘Brother Gu’. Gu Yiliang greeted him also.

Having finally found a topic to talk about, I said, “The filming’s going to start later. It’ll be detrimental to your health if you haven’t eaten anything yet, so why don’t you have a cup of bubble tea to fill your stomach?”

After I was done asking, I recalled that Gu Yiliang was not fond of drinking sweet drinks in a fanfiction I skimmed through earlier. So I hurriedly added, “They’re low in sugar. Not too sweet.”

Gu Yiliang was stunned momentarily before he nodded in response.

Ah, Little Chen, the fireman rescuing me from awkwardness.

I took over the bubble tea from him with utmost gratitude and examined them —

One of them was plain milk tea, no toppings, while the other was filled to the top with coconut jelly, pudding, boba, aloe vera, and grass jelly all piled together that it felt like I was holding a cup of stew.

37.

This kid was a motherfucking genius!

38.

Ah, Little Chen, the arsonist setting my heart on fire with all the awkwardness.

I struggled to not shudder from the awkwardness and spoke to Gu Yiliang with gritted teeth, “Well, you see… If you don’t mind, let’s open them both and balance the toppings a little bit…?”

After I finished the sentence, I was overwhelmed with awkwardness to the point where I could practically feel my soul leaving my body. I hoped from the bottom of my heart that Gu Yiliang would wave his hand in denial, say “There’s no need”, and quickly leave my lounge.

Right here. Right now.

39.

“Sure,” he said. He even came over and sat down right next to me. “You got a knife?”

I gazed at him in shock. In the end, it was Little Chen who answered him with a series of “yeses” and found him a clean fruit knife.

He swiftly circled the plastic covers on the two cups of tea with the tip of the knife and tore open the lids. Then he fished out a spoon from the plastic bag and asked me, “What do you want to add?”

I answered, half-dazed as if I had just woken from a dream, “Grass jelly is enough.”

So, he spooned out all the grass jelly and put them into my cup. Then he asked, “Anything else?”

I shook my hand. “Nonono, you haven’t eaten anything yet. You should have more to replenish your blood sugar.”

He looked at the cup of ingredient-rich bubble tea in front of him and seemed to find it a little too difficult to deal with. “There’s still a lot. What about adding some more?”

40.

I said, “Then I’ll add your Wechat.”

41.

I must have gone mad after reading so much fanfiction.

Besides me, even Gu Yiling and Little Chen were caught off-guard by my words. The three of us joined together hand in hand, forming a vicious circle of silence.

42.

Probably because Little Chen was unable to keep his cool anymore, he used the restroom as a reason to make his leave.

Thus, only Gu Yiliang and I sat silently in the lounge having no words to exchange as we stared at each other in awkwardness, to the extent that things felt intimate between us.

As the one with the higher EQ, Gu Yiliang broke the silence by taking out his phone to pull up the QR code page in two to three taps. “I forgot to add you last time. Sorry about that.”

I hurriedly answered him, “Nono. It’s fine. No big deal.”

I picked up my cell phone.

And then I put the phone back.

I tried my best to keep my composure and smiled faintly, “Um, maybe it’s better if… I search my own Wechat account using your phone?”

He had probably also recalled the scene he saw earlier the moment he stepped through the door, so his movements froze unnoticeably for a moment before he handed the cell phone to me.  

43.

Okay, Wechat added.

I could just think of it as adding a brick to the great undertaking of the Niangzi Army, right?!

Out of nervousness, I sipped my tea from the tip of the straw as I watched Gu Yiliang um, eat that ingredient-rich bubble tea at an unhurried pace.

The atmosphere had turned quiet beyond measure. Only awkwardness lingered in the air and spelled more than thousands of words.

Still, as the one with the higher EQ, Gu Yiliang turned his head to look at me, then praised courteously, “You look good in this costume. Steel grey suits you.”

Here it comes, time to glorify each other! Seeing him donning a brick-red outfit, I immediately blurted out, “You look good in this costume too. It matches mine.”

44.

God, how much I wanted to become a lightning rod rising straight from the ground, so all the thunder and lightning would strike right at me and send me soaring up into the heavens.

HIT ME! HIT ME!

45.

Caught by surprise momentarily, Gu Yiliang couldn’t bear it anymore and laughed out loud.

It was not the kind of dry laughter that was purposely done to dispel the awkwardness in the air nor was it the sort that was laced with ridicule. It was just a simple form of laughter brimming with joy.

It was a rare sight for us to sit together at such a close distance. It enabled me to receive a direct baptism of his extremely beautiful face.

Truth be told, not only did God shower him with a sumptuous feast, I felt like Nüwa, the mother goddess, also came to stick her nose in it as well. When she was sculpting him, she probably hired Michelangelo Buonarroti to help out too, granting me the power to write a full-blown aesthetic and art appreciation essay just by staring at his face.

46.

That was a joke. I actually can’t. I have zero talent in writing.

But wasn’t he a little too good-looking? He could seriously use the smile on his face to bewitch someone.

47.

But isn’t he laughing for a little too long? Was it really that funny?

I watched as he laughed and laughed, like golden wheat sheaves bending in the wind, like branches bending from countless rich fruits, like simple and honest farmers bending their backs in laughter.

See? I already finished reciting an entire nursery rhyme in my head, and he was still laughing!

I couldn’t stop myself from giving him a shove. “What’s your deal?”

He finally stopped laughing, but there was still a lingering smile in his words, “How come I didn’t know you were so funny before?”

I knew the answer to this one! So I immediately answered, “Because you don’t have the pair of eyes that can discover the beauty of things?”

He was at a loss for words upon hearing my reply.

48.

Right before he was about to burst into laughter again, I covered his mouth with my hand in a hurry.

His hot breath fell on my fingers, his brows relaxing lightly as he blinked at me innocently.

Filming was going to start soon. Before I could manage to let go and stand back up on my feet, Little Chen had barged into the room, shouting aloud, “Get into position! It’s time—”

49.

Little Chen looked at me, then at Gu Yiliang, then at my hand which was still covering Gu Yiliang’s mouth. Color drained from his face—he turned around, slammed the door shut, and strode over in a few steps before persuading with all earnesty, “Brother Wei, murder is illegal in this world!”

50.

I think there’s no way that the production of the Song of Waves can continue on any longer.

51.

I retracted my trembling hands as I hugged my trembling head. I took a glimpse of the hesitant expression on Gu Yiliang’s face before waving my hands shakily, indicating him to remain silent. The current me felt pitiful, weak, and helpless. I wasn’t able to stand any more beatings by the wind or rain or even the slightest shock.

Gu Yiliang had obviously misunderstood what I meant when I waved my hand and smiled understandingly: “I wasn’t mad.”

“No…” I tried to explain.

“The only thing is,” he cast Little Chen a puzzled glance, then shifted his eyes back on me. “Why do you let him call you ‘Viagra’ [1]?”

52.

Fucking hell.

53.

OK.

If anyone would be so kind enough to bring me my eight-foot viper halberd and my Zhuge crossbow and my golden tiger spear please, I need all of them.

If those are too heavy to carry over, then a bottle of poison would be nice too.

Translator Notes: 

[1] Viagra:  Little Chen calls him Brother Wei or Wei Ge, which sounds similar to Viagra in Chinese.

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